On not quite getting there

Since I started documenting my 'voyages of (re)discovery' around Berlin, I notice how often my expeditions are aborted before reaching what I had set as my goal.

Last night for example, I had planned to go to a gallery vernissage over in the north west of the city. I set off a bit early, took the U-bahn, standing most of the way. I then found my way from the station to the Charlottenburg Palace - huge roads, dusk, golden trees. I wandered through the garden and back along the avenue to the Bröhan Museum. This is a collection of Art Nouveau painting, ceramics, and furniture. I am fascinated by the traces of Art Nouveau that remain throughout Berlin. Some of the houses in my street have swirly, organic plasterwork, sometimes touched with gold paint, and then right next door is a modernist building with only right angles and straight lines. I seem to find this juxtaposition everywhere I go.

An hour in the museum, and I was done in. More walking to find a cafe and drink ginger tea. The private view became an impossibility for a tired introvert, and I crawled back home to the sofa.

I am accepting that this has to happen as I get used to the city. Sometimes it is just the journey

                 All the town rivers. acrylic on card.

                 All the town rivers. acrylic on card.

Other aborted journeys include: The 'rundtur' of IKEA only to find my credit card wouldn't work at check out. To the Brücke museum (my favourite expressionists) to find it closed for hanging a new exhibition. To the restaurant across the road for dinner to find it closed on Mondays. To the Glienicke Park - satnav couldn't find it.

Usually, what I find on the way or do instead is worth leaving home for.

Rauch: harsh, cold, searching, keen-eyed, noticing, shouting

My proposal for the artist residency and fellowship here in Berlin orientates to process. Rather than promising to produce a particular body of work, I have commited to a process. The process starts from "voyages of discovery", moving around the city with an artist's active attention. camera and sketchbook. Then playing with the material back in the studio on a re-creative voyage with paint, drawing and collage. A blog post will be part of the process for some voyages, reflecting on the journey and the emotions it produced.

The first voyage was to find an exhibition of paintings by Neo Rauch. A contemporary painter from Leipzig, I had heard about him and the artists who gather around him in his city. Posters on street furniture announce the exhibition. Google maps and Citymapper app show me how to get there.

The M48 bus on a Sunday morning takes longer to arrive than promised by the electronic sign. It takes me, for 2.70 euros, through the city, over the river and towards Alexanderplatz. I get off just before, where I see a sign to Prenzlauerberg, with a groundless confidence that this is my direction. I walk, past Hackescher Markt station and the desperate-looking restaurants outside it, past Hackescher Hof with its smart shops selling upmarket non-necessities for adults, and the restaurant where I remember the lovely B. insisting on buying lunch for me and my friend. How guilty I felt – I should have insisted on paying for her but that internal twisting shyness froze my words before I could utter them. I resolve to buy her lunch soon, to repay, to make amends. I walk on.

I take what feels like the right direction, follow a street that feels good. Always alert for safety, but no need. A father cycles past with his toddler in a wooden box on wheels attached to the front of the bike. At the corner, a shop with high windows and on a rail, a line of little tutus, net skirts some with bodices, pastel colours, pinks blues and apricots. With one, as if liberated, high up. Underneath, on the window sill, another line. This time of little boots, the soft fabric, bulky ugg-like boots, waterproof and sensible. The colours neoprene-hard blues and bright pinks. The combination stops me in my tracks and I walk back across the road to take a photo. The father with the toddler in the bike box turns around and comes back down the street, telling her forcibly to sit down, stopping until she does so. I wonder if it’s the first time and they are trying it out, working out the rules.

The combination of boots and tutus says – you can dance and feel lovely like a little butterfly, then you can put on your boots to tramp safely through the dark wet streets to your warm home. You can fly and you can walk, and ride in a bicycle box.

I pass a shop that sells the shampoos and body creams that I found in the expensive hotel in Switzerland. I am choosy nowadays and often leave the little bottles in hotel bathrooms, when they clearly look as if they were chosen for economy. These, though, were soft and sweet-smelling, worth bringing away. I find a café to stop, and eat ‘Canadian pancakes’, drink coffee, feel grateful for cafes. The waiters, all young women, are a bit ditsy, or perhaps hungover like many of their customers; they forget my second coffee and the milk I asked for in the first one. There is wi-fi so I can find myself on Citymapper and see I am not too far from the brewery, although the dots it puts on the street map are so big there is room for error.

And I walk on, crossing a large road, turning up a hill. Past large elegant apartment buildings that must have passed through the DDR period. I wonder how that worked. At the end of the road, red-leaved trees rise up. It is not the brewery but a park. I ask a woman and she directs me to the exhibition. Back down the hill, on to Prenzlauer Allee, a vast dual carriageway of a road - very ‘east’, a very stalinist statement of power. Eventually, the brewery entrance. A security man sitting outside under a makeshift shelter points towards a door. When I come out, his colleague is sticking up one of the posters near the door and I guess they got tired of telling each new arrival where to go. The brewery is quite dilapidated, ochre bricks with reddish borders, arched around the windows.

Inside the valves and pipes remain, the thick wooden floorboards with metal plates and covers. It’s barely lit and still not evident where to go. Suddenly, strings of crystals hang over shiny washbasins, large arrangements of gladioli – it’s like walking through the cloakroom of an expensive restaurant. I think it actually is the cloakroom for the upstairs ‘soup kitchen’. A large crocodile seems to leap out of more pipework.

Around a corner and there are paintings on the walls, a modish young woman sitting at a table busy with her phone. I am allowed to take photos – natürlich! Not at all natürlich, I think, remembering London galleries.

A few very large paintings and some smaller prints. Restricted colours, dry, acidic blues and greens and yellows, highlighted against the browns. Desperate scenes, judging by the faces of the characters and the suggestions of violence. Not pleasant to spend time looking at. Not easy to find the narratives inside the paintings. Several corners of the gallery have chairs or sofas, I note. Comfort, discomfort. A 1970s steel chair provides a squeaky seat outside. I write down my impressions of the paintings, “They feel harsh, cold, searching, keen-eyed, noticing, shouting.”

Down the hill towards Alexanderplatz, I find a bus stop and get back on the M48 towards Schöneberg. First voyage accomplished.

Later I read about how, when east and west Germany were united, Rauch tried moving away from figurative painting to abstract painting, which was then more fashionable in the west, and how he found the results so dissatisfying that he returned to his figures and folk tales and history. I keep noticing acid blues and greens.
 

 

 

Travelling and staying in

I'm writing this on an anniversary - 40 years ago today, we left England to work in Tanzania with VSO. I had only been to France and Austria before this. I was young. Tanzania was to teach me so much - about people, politics, development, learning and teaching English, myself. It changed my mind, my career direction, my perception of everything.

As we drove to Heathrow, lights were on in homes and curtains not yet drawn. I could see people inside, apparently living cosy, safe lives as we set off into the unknown.

I've been in Berlin two days now. It is cold and rainy. I haven't been out much. I recognise it as a pattern that goes back 40 years. Having reached my destination, I hunker down awhile, as if I need to inhabit the idea of being in a new place before I can inhabit the actuality. Because I know this is how it goes, I am happy to wait, knowing it's all out there when I'm ready.

The space

The space (East Africa) acrylic on card

Catching snatches

I am carrying sketchbooks of at least four different sizes on my journey through the mountains. In the very smallest one, of an evening, I've been writing and drawing snatches of memories from the day.

Click on the photo to see some of the pages from Thun and the drive to Disentis-Mustér.


A change of scale

On my last day in the French alps, there was low cloud covering the peaks and some rain in the air. Instead of going higher, I drove down into the valley and parked by the stream. A dog watched quietly. A man continued repairing his car. I started walking up the path alongside the stream.

And a small despair crept into me. I didn't actually want to be doing this damp walk on a grey path alongside grey water. It was too reminiscent of walks with parents as an unwilling 11 year old - I had always found more pleasure in staying at the bottom of the hill with my book.

It was a change of scale that shifted my mood after I took out my camera and started looking more closely. Then I could see the bright splashes of colour in berries and hips, and notice the peculiar colourings of leaves,

The feeling of despair was dispelled by giving my attention on this smaller scale. I recognise it as the scale of many of my paintings; a scale that speaks to my soul.


Watching how night falls

I am not sure why I had to come to the mountains on my way to Berlin. But here I am in Albiez Montrond above the Maurienne valley in the French Alps. Yesterday's rainstorms brought snow to the tops.  

I am watching how night falls. I am here to look, listen, attend. To sit, awed by the landscape, feels right.

 

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Preparations afoot for #Berlin

If you have subscribed to my regular Newsletter you will know that I am off to Berlin for a year. I will be artist-in-residence and Fellow on a project about metaphor and film at the new Cinepoetics Centre at the Free University.

It now seems to be time for my art practice and my academic research into metaphor to interact more than they have to date. I'll be blogging here about what happens in the studio and as I explore and join the art scene in Berlin. And there will be metaphors.

Meanwhile, it's packing up and preparing for the long drive to Berlin.

               I can go back Acrylic and collage on canvas panel, 55 x 65 cm, framed. £420. 

               I can go back Acrylic and collage on canvas panel, 55 x 65 cm, framed. £420.
 

Colour and contrasts

I've been in London for two weeks taking a course called 'Colour' at the Slade School of Art, which is part of UCL. It was fun to be in their high ceilinged studios and good discipline to work from 9.30 to 5.00 every day. Lots of contrasts going on - of hue (red/green; blue/orange); of tone (light and dark); of texture; of scale.

Coming back to the country was quite a contrast too...

Clearing out

The studio is being painted - is that meta-painting, I wonder? Anyway, I had to clear it out on Sunday and that involved shifting the piles of work under the table and leaning against the wall. It made me realise how much trial work comes before a finished piece. Most of it is not really preparation - some of it is warming-up, some of it is colour-mixing, and some are failures waiting for a covering of gesso and a new start. I threw lots away but I couldn't dispose of this one:

                                             All the town rivers  acrylic on card

Painted on a piece of card that was lying around, it has custard yellow and jelly red sky, some lumpy trees and a small black rails or perhaps a railway. Oh, and some patterns. The trouble is, it knew its name as soon as it appeared. And driving through Kalamata in the Peloponnese a few weeks ago, I encountered the (dried-up) town river with a smile of recognition. Then there's the river Aveyron that flows through Villefranche-de-Rouergue, and the Arno through Florence, and the Seine through Paris, and the Cam through Cambridge, and the Bagmati river through Kathamandu. It seems that town rivers are somehow important for me.

The painting will sit around the kitchen until one day I'll find some part of it in another picture and understand why it had to stay a while longer.

The weather and painting

Monet used to have several paintings in progress at once so that each one could be painted at the same time of day in the same quality light. Moving between Greece and England these last few weeks, has meant a huge shift in light, and also in temperature and weather. I use acrylics, which dry quite quickly, and in Greece almost immediately. That meant a shift to much more watery paint and spraying the paint on my palette and on the paper. I also had fun rubbing the paint into the paper as it dried.

Now, back in chilly England, I've been painting more in the same series but the paint handles so differently that the paintings are shifting into a different mood.

 

The Moon and Scarlet 6

Art and politics

An article in the Financial Times this weekend talks about Albania, and how art and politics are interacting through the ideas of the Prime Minister, Edi Rama. He is an artist turned politician. I also like that the former headquarters of the communist rulers has re-opened as the Centre for Openness and Dialogue.

In Greece recently, I was recalling how, in the early 1990s, people would warn us to be careful of the Albanian refugees who had escaped that same communism and were living in the rocks outside of town. Now there are many Albanians living, working, swimming and going to school there - one even makes the best moussaka in town.


 

 

Cartographies Acrylic, collage and Nepali wool on canvas. 50 x 60 cm. 2014

Cartographies Acrylic, collage and Nepali wool on canvas. 50 x 60 cm. 2014

A change of focus

Saturday after a busy painting week in Greece. This year I have a great outside space and have so enjoyed painting on large sheets of cardboard on the wall and on the ground. Almost like Anselm Kiefer... (There's another post there about giving ourselves permission to occupy space..) 

I can tell my eyes are tired from painting so hard and today it's time for a change of focus - literal first with a metaphorical shift following close behind. Time for the water, for swimming slowly around the bay with the eyes focused towards the horizon.

 

Thank you

for supporting my recent open studio: to the people who came along to look at the work (and those who just came to see inside the cottage); to those who stayed awhile to chat and look  longer; and to those who bought paintings and prints - I hope you are enjoying finding new spaces inside them that delight the eye and that open up for the mind to wander through. 

After a hectic few weeks, I'm taking my paints to the Mani for a rest and a change of scene. Back soon.

Coming to an end

It's the final weekend for Bucks Open Studios and I hope Saturday and Sunday will be busy again. I've sold three paintings so far, and several prints. Each time, the buyer took a long time to look into the depths of the work - it seemed to me that they were seeing whether they felt at home there. I love to witness that kind of interaction with my work - even if there's no sale from it. What matters is that someone takes the time to look, really look, and that the looking provides a rich experience.

Time with roses Lores.jpeg

Today is varnishing

Some people still use the French term "vernissage" for their private view just before opening - that's when artists used to varnish their work. I'm doing it today. It's a delicate and quite scary process since no more changes can be made and the surface needs to be exactly right.

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so far, so good...